Now in an Easy-To-Swallow Tablet Form
January 27th, 2010
So the Apple Tablet (hereafter “iPad”) came out today, and I’d be a fool if I didn’t post something about the iPad in the hopes of taking some of that iPad traffic for myself. And, like the evil SEO marketing genius that I am, I’m going to use the word “iPad” as much. as. possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the iPad:
First, the name. I know that I’m not the only one who thinks that iPad sounds more like a tampon than a tablet PC. A tampon that can surf the web, yes, but a tampon just the same. Other possible name? iSlate, iTablet, iTouch, or iAnything that doesn’t make me feel like I’m menstruating. Apple: 0, Me: 1.
(And yes, I’m keeping score. Every time that Apple does something awesome, they get a point. Every time that I make fun of something Apple has done, I get a point. It makes perfect sense.)
Second, I know that I’m probably sounding like a bigger hater than I am, but in a word I’m underwhelmed. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly, but I know that I wanted it to be on par with world peace, universal salvation, or Arrested Development. What I got was a 10″ iPod Touch. It will certainly have its uses: education (though I’m 99.9% sure I’ll still prefer reading books on my Kindle), healthcare (doctors already love their iPhones. This thing is going to inspire a giant wave of physician tachycardia), and even law (as an aspiring lawyer, I can’t wait to use this thing for data entry as I’m meeting with clients or as a quick reference while sitting in the courtroom). But outside of that, I can’t imagine toting this thing around everywhere I go in my man purse or my backpack. And that’s the problem: If I’m carrying a bag, I already have my 17″ MacBook Pro that does everything. Maybe I’m just being short-sighted, but I feel like this fills a need I don’t have. It’s a need I don’t even understand enough to be able to articulate. Apple: 0. Me: 2. (I was going to give Apple a point for designing my MacBook Pro, but it crashed last night so I’m withholding it)
As an aside, I am rocking my cooking experiment this week. Last night was Spaghetti in an Arrabbiata sauce, and tonight’s meal threatens to eclipse it all with its sheer awesomeness. When was the last time Apple made my dinner? Exactly. Apple: 0. Me: 3.
I hope that the iPad is awesome and it’s a huge success and that I’ll buy one and we’ll have lots of very happy iBabies together, but so far I’m not totally feeling it. I’m also a little skeptical about it’s lack of a camera. Is it just me, or is leaving the camera off just an excuse to release an updated iPad with camera a year from now? Either way: Apple: 0. Me: 4.
So Steve Jobs, when you read this please take a moment to assuage my fears. Remind me that you have done more, save Jesus Himself, for the salvation of mankind than any other person living or dead. Remind me about how much I love wasting time on my iPod Touch. And most of all, remind me that my gadget hunger is growing and can only be sated by something new and shiny from Cupertino. And please, for the love of all things good and holy, PLEASE change the name of the iPad. If you do, I might even be convinced to make you dinner.